My Aunt's Funeral, Pt 1

By now, you can guess why I haven't blogged for the last few days. The HB and I just got back from my Aunt's funeral.

She died Monday night. I knew something was up when I saw that my wife had called me twice within an hour while I was at my Rotary board meeting. So, when I got home I talked to my mom and booked me and the HB on the same Southwest non-stop to Philly with an open ended return.

My folks always sleep at my house before they fly out of LAX so they can leave there car here (I'm only a few miles away). So they came over and we chatted about what the schedule was going to be for the week and who was going to sleep where. My mom was surprisingly composed. So, we left the next morning entirely too early because my dad thinks that the plane will leave without you if you're not there two hours early.

Every thing's on time, but the woman at the rent-a-car place had a hard time figuring out that I was NOT going to drive my dad's rental car after they said they would charge us more. Stupid bitch. When we got to my uncle's lots of folks were there and final arrangements were being made. The funeral would be held on Wednesday at 10 and after that service we would drive out to the cemetery. I got good news and bad news from my cousin. The good news was that I could use her car (a Beemer) and that she cashed in points so the HB and I could crash at the local Holiday Inn. Bad news was everyone else was going to be out of room, so my brother was sharing the room with us. I held out some hope that there would be a sofa for the HB, but there was only two twin beds. My brother and I have completely different rhythms, which is fine. But sharing a bed with the HB is a nightmare (I'm a tough customer in bed, he says) because he sleeps like a gaffed fish and like to snooze diagonally.

The HB and I talked a fair amount about death, funerals and religion on the plane and at the hotel. Even though he only steps into a house of worship when we're invited to an event, he has this idea in his head that he's Jewish. So, I explain the Jewish view on death, how their funerals go, how they don't believe in heaven/hell like Christians, etc. so he'll know what's happening at my aunt's funeral. And we talked about other faiths' views on such things.

Before we get to the funeral parlor he asks if we can see the body. I don't want to tell him that's about the grossest thing in the world (though it's in my top 10). Rather, I explained that the immediate family has the option (which doesn't include us) and that it's really better to remember her from our fondest memories and not what she looked like at the end (despite any embalmer's best efforts). Even after that he was intrigued by the prospect.

So, the funeral was well attended, which is always nice. My uncle had some very kind words about how my aunt felt about me, my wife and the HB (seemed like the shoe was strangely on the wrong foot at the time). The rabbi knew my aunt for the last few years, so his comments were heartfelt (eulogies are not the norm at Jewish funerals) and very right on. My aunt said what was on her mind and could be a bitch.

That trait go her estranged from her only son (she has 3 daughters). I don't know all of the details, but she and her d-i-l (who's a piece of work) just don't get along, so there was a rift where my cousin and my aunt didn't see or speak to each other for long periods. In fact, when my aunt became seriously ill I asked one of her daughters about it and said that my aunt specifically requested that my male cousin not find out about it. Well, his daughter and one of her cousins are the same age and go to the same school, so that wasn't going to last. At any rate, my aunt and her son reconciled in that he was involved in the planning and was around all week. The rabbi mentioned this in saying that in her last days she had asked for forgiveness and gave some. I guess being close to the end does change us.