A Catholic's Epiphany:

No, not mine, silly. Rather, this from a overseas scholar who is being sponsored by my Rotary club. She attends a Jesuit university and it going to be working on her master's in Britain. She's currently traveling in Europe before beginning her studies. Below is a very insightful look into how one Catholic feminist views her religion

Today, I stumbled upon L'Eglise Evangelique Lutherienne de Geneve, also known as:

I spent the hour of service both nearly moved to tears by how progressive and inclusive it was (and HAS BEEN since back in the day), and laughing so hard and out loud at my "Oh, thaaaat's why the reformation happened..." epiphanies.

This was defintely coming. You don't understand, this city is bleeding with Jean Calvin right now. It's the 500th anniversary of his birth and the 450th anniversary of the birth of the Universite de Geneve, that he was instrumental in helping found. Every day there's a play in the Vielle Ville, a faire in Parc de Bastions, a debate in the Village Huguenot, etc.

I attend the Universite of Geneve, and I also lived IN the hostel of the Cathedrale St. Pierre, where Calvin preached five centuries ago.

The first days were slightly awkward as a Catholic. "Oh...right...when my people were selling tickets to heaven...yeah...those gangster pimp Popes...sorry 'bout that...well, what's done is done, it's 2009 now and my Jesuit school is super social-justicey, whee! =)"

But I'd always pick up those Calvin: Geneve en Flammes flyers because I like theatre and I like debates. Plus, I couldn't resist the hilarious cartoon version of Calvin on the flyer:

I landed on this Lutheran mass sort of accidentally, when my new friend invited me to come to "church" on Sunday. I love inter-religious dialogue, and it's sort of my academic field, so I didn't bother to ask whether or not it was Catholic.

Panic suddenly overcame me when I realized how little I knew about the particularities of a Lutheran mass. Is it even called a mass? A service? Do I kneel? Will they be offended if I make the sign of the cross? Cuz I do it instinctively. Is there holy communion? Am I supposed to take it? Crap, is it gonna be real bread I have to chew? Do I go up and cross my hands on my chest like people do in the Catholic Church?

It was too late, the mass or service or whatever it was had begun before I could ask Heidi for instructions. First moment of choque (shock): "OMG, is that a woman priest? I've never heard a sermon by a woman priest." Lutherans: 1 Catholics: -1

The very jolly pianist taught us some lines so we could sing along, and the woman priest spoke to some kids before she began the service. She welcomes the regulars, the visitors, and the summer interns and students (that's us!), and tells us we will introduce ourselves at the end. How kind.

"The Lord Be With You."

I closed my eyes and nearly cried when I realized the only female voice I had ever heard say that was my own, when describing to non-Catholic friends what a Catholic mass looks like.

Then I realized: Wow, we suck. I laughed and shook my head in shame. I can't believe how backwards we still are 500 years after the reformation.

I want to say "Well, we stay in the Catholic Church to create change from within the system (just like I've heard many progressive Jesuits say). It'll take time, but it'll be institutional change from within." Um, except that it's been FIVE HUNDRED YEARS.

FIVE HUNDRED YEARS.

I started laughing out loud at the ridiculosity of the claim of "making change from the inside." I really got nothin' there. It's not like the Catholic Church is a democracy; and the US doesn't use its military might to fight for liberal democracy within the Catholic Church (should I ask? but I'm nonviolent...).

I still missed the familiarities of a Catholic mass, the hymns that I associated with life-giving times at school, and the way in which I could predict exactly what was going to happen next. The things that didn't suck about the Catholic Church were preserved through the reformation. I did like their different Prayer of Confession better though. And again, upon hearing a woman's voice say these humbling words, I was nearly moved to tears:

When we surround our lives with the noise of this world, so we no longer hear your word, God,
forgive us.

When we prefer the comfortable deception to the difficult truth,
forgive us.

When our ears have become deaf so they no longer hear your voice, nor the cries of your people,
forgive us.

When we hear your word, but fail to heed it,
forgive us.

When your word is vibrant, but we become afraid,
forgive us.

When your word doesn't liberate us anymore,
forgive us.

Next came the moment I had been fearing for the first 38 minutes: holy communion. This is such an awkward moment in the Catholic Church when I have to tell my muslim friend what she is to do. "Okaaay, um, like, you don't hafta kneel when we kneel, and you don't hafta stand when we stand, but I guess you don't wanna be standing when we're sitting, so um...well if you wanna go up and cross your arms...umph, hang on this man is pushing me into the line..."

And in another moment of total shock, I heard the woman's voice say "Because this is the table of the Lord, all are welcome. This is the body of Christ, given up for you. This is the blood of Christ, poured for you."

Me??? Even though I never sat through two years of painstaiking "confirmation" courses confirming that I'm faking belief for everything your man-made institution stands for, including exclusion??? Lutherans: 2 Catholics: -2

On one hand, I couldn't believe it. "Because this is the table of the Lord, all are welcome." But on the other hand: duh! Clearly, all are welcome. It's the table of the Lord!

This reminds me of a conversation I had with my mentor, who attended a Jesuit high school. He's in this thirties, and he looked at me and said, "Catholics believe other people can't go to heaven??" "Um, technically." "What?? I never knew that!"

And perhaps my favorite moment of the mass was when she said, "And now we say the Lord's prayer, in our own languages." To my left, German, to my right, English, and me: Indonesian. It had been so long since I had been allowed to do that, I seriously nearly cried.

"Bapa kami yang ada di surga, dimuliakanlah namaMu, datanglah kerajaan mu, jadilah kehendak mu, di atas bumi seperti di dalam surga. Berilah kami rejeki pada hari ini. Ampunilah dosa kami seperti kamipun mengampuni yang bersalah kepada kami. Jangan masukkan kami dalam cobaan, tapi bebaskan kami dari yang jahat. Sebab Tuhanlah raja yang mulia dan berkuasa untuk selama lamanya. Amin."

When I commented on it after mass, one man said, "Yes, we all always look forward to that." Lutherans: 3 Catholics: -2 I won't take off a point for that one, Catholics. They just went above and beyond because they're in Geneva, city of peace and multiculturalism.

And finally, end of mass: snacks. Free snacks. This is also the reason my mother claims to be a "die hard Catholic" but NEVER goes to Catholic mass and prefers wherever there are donuts. Final score: Lutherans: 10 Catholics: -2

Hmmm. I just can't believe it. 500 years and we've made little progress. Ironically enough, the homily was about how we are never "done becoming", and how we are always forced to choose what to keep and what to let go from our past in order to not deny our process of becoming.

There's always a moment that makes a cause more personal. This was mine. I've been on the Women's Ordination Conference mailing list (for the Catholic Church) since I attended the School of the Americas Ignatian Teach-In and Protest at the gates of Fort Benning, Georgia. And I recently enlisted my friend Sam to read and summarize whatever is going on to me and sign online petitions on my behalf. I know it's important, but I just don't have the time. Between them and the Not for Sale Campaign and the Living Wage Campaign, I just don't have time to read and sign all these petitions.

But in that most private, quiet, moment of faith led by a woman, I felt how hurtful it would be to be denied of that opportunity to serve God and God's people in that capacity within the Catholic Church, a community from which I get a great sense of belonging, familiarity, home, and faith. It's a space that has "cultural efficacy" for me. Cultural efficacy refers to how integral and useful a particular cultural practice is in contributing to one's wholeness and sense of self in a social context, despite the potentially oppressive nature of the practice. But it doesn't suggest that we ought to preserve the cultural practice as it is because it has efficacy. Cultures undergo change, and when they do, they haven't died. They've simply undergone...reform.

Now, THAT is the value of studying abroad. I wrote to her (we've met on several occasions) not to question her faith (or her questioning of her faith), but to let her know that doing so is hard and valuable. We can't see things through other people's eyes unless we try to see EVERYTHING from their perspective. She seems to be well on her way.