Let the Recriminations Begin!

The Mitchell report is out, and guess what? Some of the best baseball players are CHEATERS! You don't say? Lemme get this straight, millionaires who wanted to make even more money pumped themselves up with steroids and hormones (Mitchell didn't even go into amphetamines, which by some reports are the mother's milk of baseball) so they could make more money? And owners turned a blind-eye because bigger, badder players led to more revenue? I'm as shocked as Captain Renault.

Over the next few days we're going to hear tons of excuses, alibis and mea culpas. Let me help sort some of it out:

Roger Clemens (disloyal mercenary and a cheater) says, through his attorney of course, that the allegations by a former trainer that he shot Clemens in the ass with steroids are falsehoods concocted by a desperate man (the dude making the accusations is under federal indictment). When you hear a player say this, remind yourself that each and every guy named in the report was offered a chance to refute the allegations against him. But, the players' union, who has been steadfast in protecting its cheating members for years, strongly encouraged players not to. It makes you wonder what these guys had to hide.

The accusations against some players come complete with canceled checks, express mail receipts and phone records between them and a former clubhouse guy for the Mets who is an admitted steroids trafficker. Some players may say, "Hey, the dude needed a loan, so I was helping him out." Puhlease. If you pay your bookies and hookers in cash, why would you write checks to your drug dealer for a loan?

We'll probably hear some of the Barry Bonds excuses (I didn't know they were steroids/human growth hormone[HGH]). Bullshit. These guys watch EVERYTHING that goes in their bodies. Besides, they get referred to the suppliers by teammates and other players. They know what they are getting.

The most familiar refrain will be, "But, I've never tested positive." This is generally true, but misleading because the union prevented players from being tested for anything for years (our players' right of privacy is more important than giving the paying fans legitimate competition and subtly encouraging kids to shoot up so they can get better). Also, some of the shit these guys were taking is still undetectable through a urine test, such as HGH (the union still won't allow blood testing of its members).

So, where does this lead us? Pretty much nowhere until one of two things happen:

1) The players union decides that protecting cheaters is bad for the game (and this is an arguable point because baseball fans love 100 mph pitches and 450ft home runs) and they should be doing more to protect the long term health of its members.

2) The owners stop counting their money long enough to insist that the players are clean. This is one area where they actually have the moral high ground and they should use it. They could invite the players to the bargaining table and say, "Listen, this whole thing is an embarrassment and is bad for business. We would like to have an Olympic style drug testing program administered by a 3rd party. Whadya say?" If the union says no, the owners could respond, "You don't understand. No major league baseball will be played until this is implemented. If there are some details you want to change or something else changed in our agreement, let's talk about it. But without a testing program in place, we're gonna lock you out. Is protecting cheaters that important to you?" In this instance, the owners would have the public on their side.

I'm not naive. There's been cheating in baseball as long as there's been baseball. With the amount of money at stake it's natural to assume that players (and owners) will do whatever it takes to gain even the slightest perceived advantage. But it's wrong. Listen, I'm a Libertarian and anything these guys want to do in their private lives that doesn't give them an illegal competitive advantage is OK by me. If major league baseball and the players decide that they want a league where performance enhancing drugs are legal, that's fine as then everyone will be playing under the same rules. And I'm not worked up about the records--every baseball record is a product of the time when the games were played. But, as long as they are selling a product that they claim is clean and fair, they should clean that shit up. And the owners should have the balls to insist upon it.