My M-I-L is Dead

My wife called me at about 9am yesterday to tell me that her mom had died. It was peaceful in the sense that she was pretty sedated at the end and died in her sleep. Of course, that was nothing like the weeks leading up to it. The wife has mixed emotions. Obviously sad that her mom's gone, but relieved that the suffering is done.

My b-i-l flew in from Albuquerque and will be staying for the week ("Where was he last week when we needed him," sniffed my wife). He's the executor of the will and had power of attorney, so I would imagine he'll be meeting with the lawyer, real estate agent, etc.

We (my wife and her sibs, the HB, and the nephew) all got together last night for dinner. The oldest s-i-l was already three sheets to the wind. She's one of those death story tellers. "Oh, she just needed our permission to go (the woman wanted to die for at least two years now)." "She heard all of our last words and that was comforting to her (she was so hard of hearing it was difficult to have a reasonable conversation with her when she was fully coherent; I can't imagine all of the morphine helped). Whatever, if that makes her feel better, who am I to rain on her parade.

The people my wife works with sent a HUGE flower arrangment. She was kind of taken aback by it as she's not into things that are ostentatious. In a way, she found it depressing because it's such a reminder that her mom's gone.

As in all things, life goes on. We have a guy coming to take a look at our kitchen at noon. The HB's off of school today and tomorrow, but has rehearsals. The NZS2 has to buckle down more on his studies and he'll see some of his fellow exchange students for the last time on Sunday. And, the Lakers came through late in the 3rd/4th quarters last night to take charge of their series with Denver 3 games to 2.

Funeral Day

First off, it was fucking freezing today. I can't believe it made the 30s and it was windy. This made the time at the grave site very challenging. But, I'm ahead of myself.

Despite the cold, a lot of people came to the memorial service. Lots of old friends of the family and relatives and muckety-mucks from my uncle's company. My uncle had been very active in his synagogue for a while and he and the rabbi were close, so he gave a stirring and personal eulogy. The overall theme was not dark, rather more a celebration of his life. Of course there was sadness, but things were not morose.

For whatever reason, my aunt and uncle had bought funeral plots far away from their home and it seemed like it took forever to get there, even when running the red lights. I road out with my brother and uncle (on the other side of the family). At the grave site, the rabbi tried to make things short due to the cold. Everyone was pretty composed until the first dirt hit the plain pine coffin. There is no sound I know of that speaks to the finality of death.

We went back to my aunt and uncle's house. It seems weird that no one lives there anymore after the countless family events that took place there. My guess is that my cousins will sell it, although one made some noise about moving in.

Tonight some are going to religious services which I'm going to skip. I'm going to hook up with a cousin and her husband and grab a cheesesteak and a beer (or two).

Phreezing in Philly

OK, it's not that cold here (probably in the 20s now, getting into the 30s). My flight was early arriving last night, which was good as I got to see most of the second half of the BCS game. Here's what we learned from the college bowl games:

1) The Big-12 was WAY over-rated and they can't play defense. When those high scoring offenses played against good defenses they were very pedestrian.

2) The Big 10 gets worse and worse. You know things are bad when your best bowl game is a moral victory (OSU only losing by 3). At least the one Big 10 win was against Spurrier (heh).

3) 'SC's loss to Oregon St. wasn't so bad afterall.

4) Does Mack Brown thing Texas would have tied Florida?

5) Utah got screwed

I spoke to the wife last night and connected via Facebook with some of the NZS's friends. By all accounts yesterday's final goodbyes were heart-wrenching and full of tears. The HB kept things well in perspective: He was here and it was cool, and I'll see him again. The HB thought it was pretty cool that due to the length of the flight on the time change the NZS won't have a Friday. He plans on sending him an e-mail today to remind him.

I'll be heading off to the funeral in about an hour. I'm getting the sense that since my uncle chose his final path there isn't the same sadness as when his wife (my aunt by blood) died 18 months ago. Of course, that might all change once the proceedings start.

Turns out that I was in error booking my return flight as it's right in the middle of the Eagles game. I told my cousin's husband that I'd change my flight to a bit earlier so he won't have to miss the 1st quarter taking me to the airport.

Uncle Update, Finis

My mom called this afternoon. My uncle passed at about 4pm, his time. The funeral's going to be Friday morning in Philly (partly cloudy, mid-30s is the forecast). I'll figure out my travel plans later tonight, but my guess is that I'll catch an afternoon flight on Thursday and stay through Sunday. Ironically, I'll get to watch the Eagles playoff game in Philly with my cousins.

My uncle and my dad knew each other for 60+ years and were best men at each other's weddings. My family has a bad habit of introducing future couples at such events. I don't believe in heaven or hell, but I know that he's no longer in pain.

Uncle Update, #2--Drip, Drip, Drip

I just spoke with my mom. My uncle now doesn't know where he is and the nursing staff has been asked not to restart his pacemaker if it goes off.

My folks are planning on taking the red-eye tonight to Philly. I'm beginning to think that I won't be here when the NZS leaves.

Uncle Update, #1

I spoke to one of my cousins a little bit ago. My Uncle's (her father) been moved to a room in ICU. They have him on pure oxygen (doesn't that sound WAY better than it really is?) and a morphine drip for the pain. That tells me that the end is near. I don't think I'll get the phone call tonight, but I gotta believe it will come before the end of the week.

My Uncle is Dying

I just heard from my mom and my uncle (the husband of her sister who died about 18 mos ago) is on death's door. He's got a very bad case of emphysema (yes, he was a serious smoker) and has been in and out of the hospital a lot of late. Last night/this morning he went back in and has refused to be put on a ventilator. I don't blame him. Hopefully he can hang on until his youngest daughter can get there from 200 miles away (his other three kids live nearby) and then get a big ol' dose of sedatives so he doesn't know it when he suffocates.

He was one of the original executives with a cable company back in the 70s...back when only people who couldn't get TV reception had cable TV. This led him to live in some backwater places in the south (the first region in the country to get cable), but he eventually headed up his company's negotiations in England and Japan.

I remember as a kid (I must have been about 12) we had a family get together out here and someone decided that we should go deep water fishing. So, we packed up a ton of sandwiches and headed to the port to catch our boat. We got horribly lost in the port complex and my uncle's driving through ruts and over railroad tracks, etc. Someone expressed concern for the car's well being, to which my uncle replied, "Eh, screw it, it's a rental." I use that expression to this day.

I spoke with him last week after the Eagles made the playoffs (he almost bit my head off when I called the week before while the game was in the last few minutes against the Redskins). He could barely put two sentences together before being out of breath. I'm glad that we had a chance to talk then, especially since he was in a good mood. I'm afraid that will be the last time I'll have the opportunity.

Cancer's a Cunt

I know, I'm rarely this elegant, but it's one of those days. Today was a friend's funeral. He was 43. He left a wife, and stepdaughter who adored him, a grandchild and another one on the way. His parents, in-laws, and younger brother were all there to bury him.

My friend had lymphoma. He had undergone regular radiation and two clinical trials. Nothing worked. My friend was a kind, gentle soul who had so much good in him. It sucks that he's gone.

This isn't going to turn into a rant against fate or a call to turn one's life around. Rather, I just want to say that miss him and I wish we would have spent more time together.

Off to see Metallica tonight.

RIP

I went to the memorial service today for a guy in my Rotary Club. He'd been a member for about 12 years, but there isn't anyone more committed to the youth in our community than him. The large church was jam packed, as I figured that it would be. There were many eulogies, including two wonderful ones by his eldest daughter and a life long friend.

For obvious reasons, when I go, I wouldn't want a big memorial like that. Hopefully, I'll have enough money to my name so that my next of kin can buy all my friends a drink (or three) in my memory.

I guess there's always someone who introduces a food to a community. Sure, it's probably not the person who invented it, but someone has to take credit. Ever wanted to know who brought nachos to the attention of LA? That would be Carmen Rocha (maybe) who died earlier in the week. So, get some chips, jalapenos and queso, OK?

Which Way Is Worse?

In that last week I've gone to two funerals for guys who were not yet 50. Both left families behind. Zach had a wife and 3 school age kids. Mikey lived with his mother, 23 yo stepson and a 12 yo son. The big difference in how they died was that Zach had been ill with cancer for over 5 years and knew it was coming. Mikey dropped dead of a heart attack that came out of the blue.

How would you rather go? I wouldn't answer so quickly.

Zach definitely suffered more. He had as good of an attitude as anyone could about his condition. The last years of his life must have been a great example for his kids and he got to say everything he wanted to say to people before he was gone.

Mikey never worried about being a burden or preventing his family from living the life they wanted. He probably felt little pain when he went. But, did he impart all of his life lessons to his sons? Perhaps. Did those around him have the chance to tell him that they loved him?

When you're young, there is no good time to go and those who need answers (or reasons not to have answers) can find solace in their religion. Zach and Mikey provide good reasons not to waste a single day. RIP, my friends.